The Silent Load: Caring for Your Parents as They Get Older (and the Admin No One Talks About)

Running errands with my Mum

A lot of people don’t know this about me.

I’m very active on LinkedIn, but I rarely talk about my personal life. Today, I’m making an exception.

Two years ago, at the exact moment I was founding my first startup, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the most terrifying experience of my life - personally, professionally, emotionally.

I was leaving the comfort of a steady job and starting something from scratch. At the same time, my siblings and I were figuring out how to care for our mum. There are four of us, and we took turns flying to Zimbabwe to be with her during her chemo.

Once the treatment ended, we arranged for someone to move in and help her day-to-day.

Now, if you know my mum, you know she’s a powerhouse. A colourful, big-hearted, fiercely independent woman. She's the most ambitious and competitive person I know. She plays golf twice a week, wins (mostly pointless) prizes at tournaments, swims, gardens, tells incredible stories. She’s strong - in every sense of the word.

So you can imagine how difficult it was for someone like her to suddenly have people all up in her business: living in her home, scheduling her days, managing her appointments. It was uncomfortable for her. It was uncomfortable for us.

Back in Summer 2023, in the thick of it.

But do you know what no one prepares you for? The admin.

We had spreadsheets. Shared calendars. Endless WhatsApp threads. Daily medication updates. Appointment bookings. Cost tracking. The decision-making about care. The quote comparisons for everything from physiotherapy to transport.

It became a full-time job. Not the physical care - but the logistical care.

And even though we had four adult children trying to share the load, it was exhausting.

This is the part of caring for our parents as they get older that people don’t talk about.

There’s this awkward, in-between phase - where your parent doesn’t need a care home, but they do need help.

Not with walking or eating. With life.

Admin help. Tech help. Navigating systems. Managing calendars. Following up with doctors. Remembering which pills to take, when. Chasing lab results. Paying the helper’s wages. Making sure the pension paperwork went through.

And when it’s not done? It’s not just inconvenient - it’s risky. It affects health outcomes. It causes stress. It creates family tension. And it robs you of what little time you actually have to just be a daughter or son.

Looking back on that time, what we really needed was a family assistant.

Not a live-in nurse. Not a career. But a virtual assistant.

Someone who could manage the admin behind the scenes. Someone who could coordinate us siblings. Track everything in one place. Help with scheduling. Call the doctor. Create a single version of the truth. Send reminders. Keep things moving.

That would have changed everything.

Because the most valuable thing we could have given ourselves wasn’t just logistics. It was peace of mind, and time - meaningful time. Time to chat. Time to laugh. Time to be present, not project-managing her care behind a laptop at midnight.

That’s one of the reasons I built askChenai

Yes, we provide virtual assistants to busy professionals, to people with ADHD, to small businesses.

But increasingly, our clients are using those assistants for life - not just work. And one of the most powerful use cases is exactly this: managing the load of caring for parents as they age. And its why we offer virtual assistants for ageing parent support.

So if you’re reading this and quietly carrying that invisible load - of loving your parents and managing their lives - I see you.

You don’t need to do it all alone. You don’t need to burn out just to be a good daughter or son. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is delegate the admin so you can show up emotionally.

And if you’d like support, this is exactly what we do. Visit our page askChenai , our website (see link in the comments below) or send me a DM if you want to talk more.

PS. Now here’s the good news:

My mum made it through. Her treatment went well, and she’s now in remission.

And in true form, she didn’t just recover - she bounced back in style.

She’s actually a Director of askChenai and one of my business partners. No, really. Go check out our website under People. Gogo on fleek.

Me and my Mum. Yes, we are basically twins. She has strong genes.